I have been decidedly absent from the writing world for what feels like months now.  I have a few reasons for this. The first and foremost is BUSY SEASON. The time of year when I disappear from the face of the earth. By mid-april I begin to get emails from my friends with a slight edge to them. Emails that imply that I am a negligent friend. Ah, the life of an accountant.

The second is.  I do write. I write a lot in this little black notebook that I carry with me everywhere. The closer the one year anniversary draws, the more melodramatic my writing gets. I firmly believe no one should be subjected to such things. However… I’m doubting the melodrama is going to decrease anytime soon, and I miss subjecting the world to my writings. So I have something I wrote quite a while ago.  It pretty much describes how I feel, and more and more how I feel the more time gets away on me. Sorry about the melodrama.

Regret.

Regret meets redundancy as I revisit these familiar thoughts.

I want to hold your hand. I would love to talk to you and deceive myself with the illusion that you are listening, whether or not it is true what they say.

And is it true? Would you never change.

And is it selfish for me to wish that I’d held onto the shell of you.

Because then at least I would be able to hold your hand. And you could listen to these doubts.

Solution:

While this sounds as though it has the potential for embarassment, it is a situation with a fairly simple remedy.

First: The signs that you are in over in your head in an attempt to match wits. The most obvious and common indicator is the ‘head-spinning’ sensation acquired when a substantially more educated individual talks for a few minutes and you have no idea what he or she said; you may not even be familiar with many of the words used. The second, and less common sign that you are in trouble is the overwhelming compulsion to answer every statement, every inquiry and every observation with ‘ya’ or ‘hmmm.’

There are a few simple solutions to this problem, but their use requires some ability to adapt to differing circumstances ‘on the fly.’

Your first move should be an attack. Chances are the person who is confounding you (or showing off) is citing a variety of authors, or perhaps he or she has made mention of just a few or even one author in the midst of their diatribe. Pick, at random, one of the author’s names and ask your friend if he or she has read [insert made up title here]. The title doesn’t have to make much sense and it doesn’t have to sound like anything the author has ever written; it just has to be a title. Your friend will either respond positively, saying that the book is one of his or her favourites from that author, or negatively, saying that that book has never crossed their path.

Should their response fall into the first category, you have two choices of finishing-moves. The first is obvious: point out that you made up the title of the book, and the upper-hand is yours. The now-disgraced intellectual will perhaps suggest they could have sworn they had heard of the title, or take another tack in an attempt to excuse their grievous error.

If they claim never to have heard of the book it is your turn to prattle on about nothing in particular. Apply a smattering of platitudes to this imaginary book, and discuss the themes it discusses. None of this, of course, needs be true, you just have to keep hammering away, putting your partner on the defensive.

If the first method fails, it’s time to fall back to a more defensible position. Pick a topic with which you are comfortable, and starting spewing about it, as much as you can think if, and as fast as your mouth can get it out. Don’t give your opponent a chance to get into the match. Keep them quiet, and by the time you’re done there will be too much information for them to process. This method is somewhat less failsafe, as he or she may know something of your chosen topic. If you sense this, move quickly on to another topic, relating it loosely (even if it is totally unrelated) to the first. If these attempts meet with continued failure it’s time to move on to the penultimate move: anger.

Feign anger at the suggestions of your friend. Pick a few points from the conversation and blow up at them, holding nothing back. Your partner will be unable to formulate a rational response to this purely irratational (and, in their opinion, incorrect) argument and will begin to falter. At this juncture you may continue to pound angrily away at his or her position, or halt your tirade and end the conversation. Exchange the usual parting pleasantries and go your separate ways.

The final move, and this is to be used as a last resort as it has a limited number of uses is to simply walk away. You can do so calmly, in a huff or shouting obscenities. It will give something of an illusion that you were intelligent enough to frame a response, but you were just so incensed with the other’s position that it left you unable to deliver a response to someone so clearly uneducated. Be warned, though, doing this too many times will give the lie to your feigned incredulity/anger/frustration.

Beyond these outward displays, however, remains an indisputable fact: if the perosn you were speaking with was so bold in pointing out their beliefs and views on intellectual matters, they’re probably the sort that no one likes anyway.

Solution:

It’s happened to everyone at some point or another: you run into, or require conversation with, someone who doesn’t speak the same language as you.

Step #1: Insist they speak English.

Speak to them in English as though they were any other person you meet in a day with competent English skills. They won’t have any idea what you’re saying, but because you’re an English-speaker, and therefore an arrogant prick about language, you’ll feel as thought’communication’ is taking place. You may, as the conversation progresses, discover that slowing your speaking pace is a worthwhile tactic.

Step #2: Wild Gesticulation

If slowing down your pace fails to elicit real communication, combine your sentences with wild arm, hand, head, torso, and leg motions in an attempt to aid your partner in understanding your misguided attempts to speak with him or her. Chances are this will only add to the confusion as your friend now has two types of communication to interpret, but hey, you’re a native English speaker, slowing down your speech was, in your opinion, accommodation enough.

Step #3

Hand them a business card for a local english tutor or academy (obviously for this step it will be useful to carry a small selection of such cards; the operators of the schools may even give you a kick-back!) and walk away. If they haven’t bothered to learn English, then a) they dont *really* want to talk to you, or b) what they have to say just isn’t important

I run, and I ran -

Even though I was exhausted. Exhaustion being an emotion of contempt;

on my body’s part anyway.

And although a blinding light said -

Stop!

And I ignored it.

 Thus, I was not surprised when

I was thrown off of this figurative horse.

Well, I was not surprised and I was a lot startled

at my loss of control - over my will.

When my limbs overpowered my psyche,

I knew there had been a shift.

And now I wonder. When,

there will be metaphorical follow through.

This microcosm which is my run,

and is alluding to and intruding on my illlusion.

And I wait.

While not having been here as long as say … the sun, humans have been around for a while. I think we’ve been here long enough to say that we live in an ‘inestimable chain of humanity. That is, human history is so long, and our ability to comprehend its whole length so limited that it seems endless.

For me, this makes me wonder how our generation (whenever you choose to define when people started and stopped being born into it) is doing in the grand scheme. I think that it’s tempting to believe that we’re so much better than what came before us; after all, we invented the blackberry, made paris hilton a star and elected Stevie Harper. After a closer look, though, I think we have to start by trying just to live up to and equal our predecessors. Each generation has been tasked with taking the things it was given - ideas, customs, inventions, problems and successes - and improving on them. The hard truth is, though, that none of what we have done and will do was made possible solely through our achievement. Any new discoveries we make, time-saving gizmos we invent or social ideas we transform were aided by the accomplishments of generations past. The challenge handed to use by the preceding generation, as it was handed to them by their parents as well, is to take what we’re given and build on it. The act of taking it forward and putting it to use doesn’t make us better or superior, it makes us equal.

Unfortunately this also raises the idea of what ‘progress’ and ‘forward movement’ are, and there isn’t nearly enough room (nor will on my part) to get into it all. Simply put, and we’ve all heard it before, just because something is new doesn’t make it better. Change is not inherently imbued with the value of ’superior’. Change is change and should be viewed as such; neither good nor bad. To see change as something better than what came before it does a dis-service to our past; that same past to which we are all connected, and all inherit from. We owe that past, and the people who lived in it an un-payable debt. The least we could do is recognize that they (although not always) had ideas of their own which were no better or worse than the ones we claim to cherish as ‘new’ and ‘better’. We just took what they gave us, and ran with it.

We don’t have to like it, but we do have to live with it. Success in the world is merely answering the call and question of our ancestors.

Quadratic Equations. More specifically extraneous roots.

Remember calculus? Going to all the trouble to find the solution to this problem. And then what. You had to check! Was this a real root to the problem or extraneous. Rue the day you forgot to ensure that you had the real deal.

How does this relate to people? Well, it probably doesn’t at all - but I’ll try…

I think there are some people we encounter that are extraneous roots to our lives. (please note, I’m pretty sure most of this theory is in direct violation of how I actually feel about people and relationships.)

We encounter people on a daily basis. Some we know, some we want to know, and some are just extras in the drama that is life. So we meet someone new. We take the time to get to know them. Most people have an idea of the kind of people that they would like in their life (an equation of sorts - if you will). So on first cursory review of person A - all seems well.

Person A appears to be a good human. Good convo, etc. Person A satisfies the equation. At first. Give it some time my friend. Once we test the theory, and run the person back through the formula.. result - DOES NOT SATISFY THE EQUATION. 

I guess the problem can lie within the duplicitous nature of humans. You know, “put the best foot forward,” - that kind of thing. We get to know the best part of people first. Oh, and the problem is also within the hopeful nature of people. At least the hopeful nature of me anyway - a) wanting to think the best of others b) thinking more people = better.

Well. More people doesn’t equal better. Some people just don’t fit into our lives. They are extraneous. Once encountering extraneous human, what is the next course of action? And I guess this is the real problem. Of course extraneous people will be all around us. What to do with the extras. Usually by the time I realize that a person really is not what I had in mind, not the person I want in my life, not even a little bit what I was thinking of getting myself into, it’s too damn late. Because I like people, and I fall in like with people easily.  And I am accepting. Most of the time. So now i have a freakin extraneous person (please remember that this is all theoretical and hypothetical) in my life.

Anyway, I think the point is that we should realize that not all humans click together. There are billions of people, and why should I assume that we’ll all be friends. Naivete. Not all people click. Not all people are good for each other. Not all people are good for me. I think it’s worth the time to test all the roots. Be cautious, and watch yo back. Or yo ego. Whatever the case may be.

Part 2.

Maybe it’s no big deal and I should just chill and be less hypothetically discriminatory about people. Ugh. I don’t know.

Coming soon… Dani should not park in underground parking. ever. x2.

Zoroastrianism is the religion and philosophy based on the teachings ascribed to the prophet Zoroaster (Zarathustra, Zartosht). Mazdaism is the religion that acknowledges the divine authority of Ahura Mazda, proclaimed by Zoroaster to be the one uncreated creator of all (God).

I really don’t know what it means, but apparently it is, or was, my religion of choice on facebook. Incidentally it was also the preferred religion of my highschool philosophy teacher, John Leigh. Consult wikipedia for further information/connections to Jeremy’s personal life.

In related news, it’s nearly broomball time again! It’s getting harder and harder to get a team together, espescially the beovaried part of it. If any readers out there in Pony D and the J Dot land want to play, let me know. For those of you who are in the dark as to what broombal is: It’s an ice-borne contest of balance, agility, coordination, tolerance for the cold and desire to put up with Jeremy for one day of the year. We won the tournament last year and I’m tempted to retire on top, but the part of me that can’t break habits and is mind-bogglingly competitive says ‘No, you MUST COMPETE.’

For those of you that are curious about my 3-month stint in England just recently completed, the answer is: Rain.
Ask no more on this subject.

Further updates from the last 2 months of my life: I was at the local McDonalds last night, trying to use the drive-through. I get into their labyrinthine drive-through entry and make my way to the order box. I place my order, and THEN get asked if I’m paying with cash or debit. Their drive-through debit machine is down and I’ll have to come inside. Of course, I cant have my order carried from the window to the eat-in area. I have to re-order. Also irritating: I’m 4 cars back in the line, and there’s *no* way to back Grammie’s boat of a chevy out of the maze, so I have to wait it out. The first two cars go through in a few minutes, but the third and final car …. is a VW bug full of UWO students. There must have been 20 of them in the car, judging by the number of feed-bags passed in through the driver’s window. After that was done, they just sat there. After several minutes went by, the sitaution became apparent: they were all incredibly stoned, and were sitting in the car, in the drive through lane - eating their food. Evetually, after enough horn-honking on my part, they gave me the finger and drove off. Once inside the restaurant, I (re)placed my order and stood to the side to await its delivery. Four or five minutes into this wait I began to hear a sound like someone banging madly on a window. Upon closer inspection it turned out ot be someone banging furiously on a window - the drive-through window to be exact. Apparently the (11 year old) employee whose job it was to take and process the drive-through orders had walked away from his post AND removed his headset. The man banging on the window was a man who had placed an order, and had been left to rot in his car. Eventually one of the (11 year old’s) employee’s (11 year old) co-workers came and got him. Shortly after, the (11 year old) emlpoyee was given a scolding by his (13 year old) manager. They also screwed up my order.